Heat Causes Crime, Even Among Mice

According to the FBI’s Total Crime Index, violent crimes have peaks during the summer around the month of August. In the winter months, however, there is a distinct decline in crime. As the temperatures increases during the hot and long summer months, so does the amount of crime.

The same goes for Frisco, believe it or not. The number of burglaries and disturbances I summarize every week in the police reports show it.

But I’ve never been one to just believe statistics and studies done by police and federal law enforcement. I’d rather see it myself. Could outside temperature – relentless heat in our case – truly increase the level of crime? I set out to do an experiment this week.

By enclosing 89,071 lab mice in a smaller, yet proportional, version of Frisco, I was able to simulate what happens here on any given day. At first, I set the temperature inside at a comfortable 72 degrees.

You can probably guess what I found. The mouse were agreeable to one another, driving courteously, finishing their work assignments, and respecting the elderly. The mice high school students seemed to pay attention better in class, and the mice teachers gave more comprehensive lessons.

I even listened in on a family dinner conversation at one home. The father mouse called the children into dining room, saying, “Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak,” in an authoritative tone.

Once the mice sat down, the youngest mouse shouted, “Squeak squeak squeak squeak!” commenting on how delicious the tiny meatloaf smelled. The family had a rousing conversation of squeaks until the middle child spilled juice on the carpet. “Squeak squeak!” shouted the mother mouse, but seeing her child’s face, she quickly forgave him.

Mice certainly are civil. Or so it seemed, until I turned up the heat to a boiling 105 degrees. Before I knew it, burglaries, domestic violence, theft, and public intoxication doubled. Mouse cars were broken into, miniature iPods were ripped off, and mice businessmen were stumbling out of bars with their jackets on backwards. The young mouse spilled juice on the carpet again, and this time, his mother slapped him. I felt very sorry for their understaffed police department.

My conclusion was this: heat causes crime. Human beings (or mice in this case) cannot be expected to act civilly when an egg can fry on the sidewalk. That’s why I think we need to provide some amnesty during the summer.

So if somebody backs his SUV into your house and then drives away…let him go. If a teacher “takes care of” a rowdy student, just let it slide. And if a guy steals some construction materials from your site, give him a break. He’s just hot. Anybody would do the same in his situation.